.........allegedly (but it did make me smile)
Clips from Lanarkshire Council complaint letters:
· My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus
growing on it.
· He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take
· It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.
· I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob
· I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his
foot in the hole in his back passage.
· And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my
· I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I
think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
· My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
· I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
· Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and
fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
· I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
· 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain
· I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
· The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
· Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and
not fit to drink.
· Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
· The man next door has a large erection in the back garden which is
unsightly and dangerous.
· Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third so
please send someone round to do something about it.
· I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat. Would you please do
something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night
· Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
· I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have
· This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get