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weirpig

Mental health week

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Just a quick update.  Visited a psychologist  Monday night.  appointment lasted 45 minutes    To be honest it wasnt that bad  not sure if it solved anything  however im booked in to see them again in a fortnight     as a footnote to this story  i was also diagnosed with  NOCTURNAL MYOCLONUS    something that really as only started in the past year or so.  apparently this is common with people who suffer from stress and anxiety.     nothing serious but isnt the best thing to life with.  If anyone else is dealing with this  maybe visit your doctor.  if only for piece of mind. 

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8 hours ago, weirpig said:

Just a quick update.  Visited a psychologist  Monday night.  appointment lasted 45 minutes    To be honest it wasnt that bad  not sure if it solved anything  however im booked in to see them again in a fortnight     as a footnote to this story  i was also diagnosed with  NOCTURNAL MYOCLONUS    something that really as only started in the past year or so.  apparently this is common with people who suffer from stress and anxiety.     nothing serious but isnt the best thing to life with.  If anyone else is dealing with this  maybe visit your doctor.  if only for piece of mind. 

Glad to hear you're getting sorted mate.

I've done a month without gambling now, which obviously I'm very pleased about.

The one thing I just cant get myself to do is make a doctor's appointment to try to sort out this anxiety. Argggghh.

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On 26/06/2019 at 09:59, weirpig said:

Just a quick update.  Visited a psychologist  Monday night.  appointment lasted 45 minutes    To be honest it wasnt that bad  not sure if it solved anything  however im booked in to see them again in a fortnight     as a footnote to this story  i was also diagnosed with  NOCTURNAL MYOCLONUS    something that really as only started in the past year or so.  apparently this is common with people who suffer from stress and anxiety.     nothing serious but isnt the best thing to life with.  If anyone else is dealing with this  maybe visit your doctor.  if only for piece of mind. 

Glad it went well. One appointment isn't going to solve anything and it's a long process but well done for taking the first step.

23 hours ago, CreweCold said:

Glad to hear you're getting sorted mate.

I've done a month without gambling now, which obviously I'm very pleased about.

The one thing I just cant get myself to do is make a doctor's appointment to try to sort out this anxiety. Argggghh.

What's the worst that could happen?

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Great to hear that people are making progress and getting help.  Well done, it's a huge step and one you'll never regret!

I've been off my antidepressants for getting on 6 months now, it's been a bit tough at times as they (citalopram) also controlled my anxiety.  I'm getting occasional spells of worry, nervousness etc but they're few and far between.  I have been using CBD oil when I've needed it and it's great, keeps me nice and level.

One thing I've noticed is that I'm experiencing 'proper' emotions again now - antidepressants keep you from getting too low but they can also prevent you reaching proper 'highs' in situations such as being around your kids and partner, or when doing things you enjoy.  Now they're fully out of my system I'm feeling relatively normal for the first time in probably ten years 🙂

 

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6 minutes ago, fujita5 said:

Great to hear that people are making progress and getting help.  Well done, it's a huge step and one you'll never regret!

I've been off my antidepressants for getting on 6 months now, it's been a bit tough at times as they (citalopram) also controlled my anxiety.  I'm getting occasional spells of worry, nervousness etc but they're few and far between.  I have been using CBD oil when I've needed it and it's great, keeps me nice and level.

One thing I've noticed is that I'm experiencing 'proper' emotions again now - antidepressants keep you from getting too low but they can also prevent you reaching proper 'highs' in situations such as being around your kids and partner, or when doing things you enjoy.  Now they're fully out of my system I'm feeling relatively normal for the first time in probably ten years 🙂

 

Thats one element i cant see myself doing    i have been on fluoxetine   now for over 20 years     i have altered my dosage over the years and now i am currently taking 40mg per day   maybe in years to come with age  and the therapy im going through  tablets may become a thing of the past .  As it is im just happy that for the majority of the time i feel normal  

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Don’t know if this will help anyone reading but I’d thought I’d share some of my experiences…

So I basically struggled at school and didn’t get good A-levels. I only got into university because one of them I applied for through clearing accepted general studies as UCAS points. I did well for my degree and got a 2:1… but I consistently dodged subjects I felt uncomfortable with and avoiding challenging myself.

The same could be said for my Masters, I did very well in that but it was specifically related to climate modules that I felt comfortable with. I often worried about what I could actually go on and do.

The next step involved doing a PhD which meant studying things I’d previously avoided, ie. More complex maths and statistics. I struggled and felt as if I just got there by luck instead of ability itself. I came from a poor housing estate and never thought I was the most capable. I had something called imposter syndrome.

I felt overwhelmed by things, to the point where I considered getting out of the bedroom and having a shower an achievement on the worst days. At that point I turned to counselling as my depression had become severe. It was at that point after opening up and coming up with a plan that things began to turn.

I learnt to break tasks down into smaller chunks and when writing my thesis just wrote whatever came into my head. Whether it was rubbish or not, writing something down was progress and just over a year later I had completed my thesis. Shortly after that I had my viva and was awarded minor corrections when I thought I could never do it.

In hindsight I felt I built something up to be far more daunting then what it actually was. Yes there was some very long tough days but when I realised progress was being made I had the mindset that I was getting closer to finish. I faced a challenge I shied away from and proved I could do it.

I think a lot of this can be transferred to life in general. It’s easy to bottle things up and everything seems daunting. However talking was a big help… as well as taking everything you’ve done as progress and taking things one step at a time.

So if anyone is reading and feels overwhelmed, take a step back, talk and focus on small steps in turning things back around. Also if anyone is getting their A-levels today and is feeling depressed, don’t give up, I only got DDE grades for my main subjects and it’s very easy to lack confidence in your ability at that age.

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2 hours ago, Quicksilver1989 said:

Don’t know if this will help anyone reading but I’d thought I’d share some of my experiences…

So I basically struggled at school and didn’t get good A-levels. I only got into university because one of them I applied for through clearing accepted general studies as UCAS points. I did well for my degree and got a 2:1… but I consistently dodged subjects I felt uncomfortable with and avoiding challenging myself.

The same could be said for my Masters, I did very well in that but it was specifically related to climate modules that I felt comfortable with. I often worried about what I could actually go on and do.

The next step involved doing a PhD which meant studying things I’d previously avoided, ie. More complex maths and statistics. I struggled and felt as if I just got there by luck instead of ability itself. I came from a poor housing estate and never thought I was the most capable. I had something called imposter syndrome.

I felt overwhelmed by things, to the point where I considered getting out of the bedroom and having a shower an achievement on the worst days. At that point I turned to counselling as my depression had become severe. It was at that point after opening up and coming up with a plan that things began to turn.

I learnt to break tasks down into smaller chunks and when writing my thesis just wrote whatever came into my head. Whether it was rubbish or not, writing something down was progress and just over a year later I had completed my thesis. Shortly after that I had my viva and was awarded minor corrections when I thought I could never do it.

In hindsight I felt I built something up to be far more daunting then what it actually was. Yes there was some very long tough days but when I realised progress was being made I had the mindset that I was getting closer to finish. I faced a challenge I shied away from and proved I could do it.

I think a lot of this can be transferred to life in general. It’s easy to bottle things up and everything seems daunting. However talking was a big help… as well as taking everything you’ve done as progress and taking things one step at a time.

So if anyone is reading and feels overwhelmed, take a step back, talk and focus on small steps in turning things back around. Also if anyone is getting their A-levels today and is feeling depressed, don’t give up, I only got DDE grades for my main subjects and it’s very easy to lack confidence in your ability at that age.

Thank you for that it's amazing how certain events can alter one's life  

Right here goes  I have never really told anyone about my experiences excluding my wife  so this is  leap for me  but on a faceless internet site its seems easier to do 

I was t0aken into care at the age of around 2  my mother and father were both substance abusers  I later found out it was mainly smack  I was placed initially I believe with a local family  then at the age of 4 I was placed in a local children's home called fairhaven 

Although thankfully I was never abused sexually  I was certainly physically    back in the early 80s  a chain or cricket bat was often the implement of choice to administer corpal punishment  

I was forced to leave at the age of 16  and lived on the streets ( luckily only for 2 months)  I was saved by a local charity called home and safety  and they placed me in  a hostel like accommodation   and gave me a part time job on a local building site  thankfully the boss liked me and gave me a full time job   mainly labouring  but gaining plumbing skills  as I went along  

At the age of 24  I decided to go back to school  passed my GCSE at maths and English  and went on to take exams in accounting   to cut a very long story short  I then went on to passing my degree and becoming a chartered accountant  oh and also meeting my wife and having my son 

My parents could well still be alive  not that I'm interested   life has been tough  although not as bad as some I grew up with  years later I found out sexual abuse was rife in the home I grew up in   there for the grace of God     all i got was a good hiding 

My wife has been a godsend  her and my son have made me look at life differently   my opinion is that some people have a tougher earlier life  but it's no excuse for giving in   I didnt and thankfully things worked out fine 

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I'm a little late to the party but i'll share my story any way! I was brought up in a highly abusive family. I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused my whole childhood. I went firmly into the camp of denial via disassociation and pretty much stayed there since. I was able to form what I thought was a normal life and survive day to day. Looking back I was just an empty shell. Like someone above said I had and still do imposter syndrome where you feel like you are a fake, where you have got to is fake, and all the good stuff is going to end at any minute! There is no belief I deserve anything, I have no idea why I am on this earth and I regret having children since I see any damage I do coming to light in them. I started suffering with severe depression around early teenage years. This turned into full blown anxiety by the time I was 18. Probably before realistically but I couldn't place exactly when. I unsuprisingly have C-PTSD, disassociative disorders and god knows what else is in the mix!!! Any way I carried on in my ok world until I had my 1st baby. I felt sad but put it down to PND and carried on. (I only know this in hindsight). I had baby 2 4 years ago and this is when it hit me full force in the face. I suffered birth trauma and had a 4th degree tear (google that! A rearrangement of downstairs!), I suffered a PPH and lost 2 1/2 litres of blood. I was a home birth and had laboured for 54 1/2 hours and then got transferred in after delivery. I remember praying to god in the ambulance on the way there not to leave my husband alone with 2 kids as I know he wouldn't cope. I was past petrified tbh! Any way all got mended in theater and the road to recovery was extremely slow. I am left mildly incontinent from my rearrangment. The birth trauma retriggered my C-PTSD from childhood and anxiety took over in a massive way. This hit full force by the time the baby was 16 weeks. However it took me 10 months to ask for help. I remember leaving baby group walking down the high street with tears pouring down my face and that's the point I knew I had hit rock bottom. I spoke to a HV who referred me for CBT for anxiety and depression. Basically that was just a sticking plaster. It gave me a few coping skills to get me through. I am now 4 years post partum and since last November things have been horrific in the anxiety department. My marriage is at rock bottom due to the rearrangement below, I am still under physio. We have had psychosexual counselling which helped a tiny bit to at least get us talking and doing stuff together, But again NHS - Limited sessions so got booted off before it did anything useful. I've had really bad Anaemia meaning I had flu (the real in bed high temperature dying at 39c+ flu!) 3 times last winter and god knows whatelse. Finally got treated for that but a long way to go! I had tons of chest infections and pneumonia when the baby was 10 months old (most likely anaemia caused it back then low immunity). So keep getting ill made me anxious it was going to happen again, being anxious retriggered my IBS. This is still bad now. So i'm currently stuck in the anxiety-ibs - worrying about health cycle. My little one starts school in a few weeks so then its time to concentrate on me. I will be fightning hard for DBT which is a form of therapy to teach you emotional regulation. I need this desperately I can go off the handle in a millisecond! I want to get this under control before I go into trauma therapy. But either way I owe it to my babies. I need to get as right as I can for them. I don't know if i'll get the DBT or i'll need to pay for it. But I need it. I'm not wanting to kill myself so i'm not in crisis to get under the local MHT. I just get told to ring the local italk service. But I need more than just basic cbt. I know how to change thoughts I need to deal with trauma and emotions. Any way enough rabbiting! That's where I'm at!

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9 hours ago, *Stormforce~beka* said:

I'm a little late to the party but i'll share my story any way! I was brought up in a highly abusive family. I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused my whole childhood. I went firmly into the camp of denial via disassociation and pretty much stayed there since. I was able to form what I thought was a normal life and survive day to day. Looking back I was just an empty shell. Like someone above said I had and still do imposter syndrome where you feel like you are a fake, where you have got to is fake, and all the good stuff is going to end at any minute! There is no belief I deserve anything, I have no idea why I am on this earth and I regret having children since I see any damage I do coming to light in them. I started suffering with severe depression around early teenage years. This turned into full blown anxiety by the time I was 18. Probably before realistically but I couldn't place exactly when. I unsuprisingly have C-PTSD, disassociative disorders and god knows what else is in the mix!!! Any way I carried on in my ok world until I had my 1st baby. I felt sad but put it down to PND and carried on. (I only know this in hindsight). I had baby 2 4 years ago and this is when it hit me full force in the face. I suffered birth trauma and had a 4th degree tear (google that! A rearrangement of downstairs!), I suffered a PPH and lost 2 1/2 litres of blood. I was a home birth and had laboured for 54 1/2 hours and then got transferred in after delivery. I remember praying to god in the ambulance on the way there not to leave my husband alone with 2 kids as I know he wouldn't cope. I was past petrified tbh! Any way all got mended in theater and the road to recovery was extremely slow. I am left mildly incontinent from my rearrangment. The birth trauma retriggered my C-PTSD from childhood and anxiety took over in a massive way. This hit full force by the time the baby was 16 weeks. However it took me 10 months to ask for help. I remember leaving baby group walking down the high street with tears pouring down my face and that's the point I knew I had hit rock bottom. I spoke to a HV who referred me for CBT for anxiety and depression. Basically that was just a sticking plaster. It gave me a few coping skills to get me through. I am now 4 years post partum and since last November things have been horrific in the anxiety department. My marriage is at rock bottom due to the rearrangement below, I am still under physio. We have had psychosexual counselling which helped a tiny bit to at least get us talking and doing stuff together, But again NHS - Limited sessions so got booted off before it did anything useful. I've had really bad Anaemia meaning I had flu (the real in bed high temperature dying at 39c+ flu!) 3 times last winter and god knows whatelse. Finally got treated for that but a long way to go! I had tons of chest infections and pneumonia when the baby was 10 months old (most likely anaemia caused it back then low immunity). So keep getting ill made me anxious it was going to happen again, being anxious retriggered my IBS. This is still bad now. So i'm currently stuck in the anxiety-ibs - worrying about health cycle. My little one starts school in a few weeks so then its time to concentrate on me. I will be fightning hard for DBT which is a form of therapy to teach you emotional regulation. I need this desperately I can go off the handle in a millisecond! I want to get this under control before I go into trauma therapy. But either way I owe it to my babies. I need to get as right as I can for them. I don't know if i'll get the DBT or i'll need to pay for it. But I need it. I'm not wanting to kill myself so i'm not in crisis to get under the local MHT. I just get told to ring the local italk service. But I need more than just basic cbt. I know how to change thoughts I need to deal with trauma and emotions. Any way enough rabbiting! That's where I'm at!

Thank you for sharing your story with everyone, you’ve certainly experienced severe trauma in your life, but also extreme resourceful to survive and try to live a meaningful life. 

I work for an NHS provider of mental health services. I should have thought your only route to DBT or similar therapy (STEPPs) is via Secondary services (I.e a community mental health recovery team), you would need to have an assessment that confirms a diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD). It may also be worth looking to see if you have a Recovery College locally, our local one did a successful course on emotional dys-regulation that can be accessed by folk who aren’t under a mental health team. I hope that you are able to at least be assessed and guided to the most appropriate intervention to help you live a better quality of life Stromforce-  Beka, in the meantime your love of the weather will be a good diversion at times I hope, take care.

kim

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3 hours ago, bluebell said:

Thank you for sharing your story with everyone, you’ve certainly experienced severe trauma in your life, but also extreme resourceful to survive and try to live a meaningful life. 

I work for an NHS provider of mental health services. I should have thought your only route to DBT or similar therapy (STEPPs) is via Secondary services (I.e a community mental health recovery team), you would need to have an assessment that confirms a diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD). It may also be worth looking to see if you have a Recovery College locally, our local one did a successful course on emotional dys-regulation that can be accessed by folk who aren’t under a mental health team. I hope that you are able to at least be assessed and guided to the most appropriate intervention to help you live a better quality of life Stromforce-  Beka, in the meantime your love of the weather will be a good diversion at times I hope, take care.

kim

Thank you. Am I best to just go to the GP and ask for a referral? Or go back to the italk service and ask them to refer me? I don't have any hope that I will get anything tbh so will prob just end up paying for it. It's supposed to be really good. All the skills I can get under my belt before dealing with the trauma the better. Hadn't heard of stepps. Anything else that would handy to have under my belt?

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I just wanted to do a little comparison to show how ravaging mental health issues can be. On the left, I was arguably at my lowest point, suffering severe anxiety and depression. I was 10 stone in weight, pale, gaunt and tired looking with tobacco stained fingers to boot 

On the right is a pic I took last week. Back up at 12 stone.

IMG_20190819_022147.thumb.jpg.d011bead49560fb933443f78634f3182.jpg

Edited by CreweCold

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i have never suffered from mental health issues myself..but would like to share from a parents point of view..My son suffers from anxiety and depression and twice tried to commit suicide last year..he lives with me only..so i have had to manage my work and life around his mental well being..finally though this year he was diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication for that..since then he has come off his anti depressants and is back in work and life has improved for him and me over the last 6 months...he will be 22 this weekend and his friends are throwing a party for him..last year on his 21st i couldn't even get him to come out of his room..for me finally i can go back home to see my other children with the confidence hopefully that my oldest has turned the corner and can be left on his own for 10 days or so.

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I'm so glad to see those of you who braved going to therapy seeing it paying off. Very happy for you all.

 

Beka,  id add to kims suggestion and say it might be worth looking into Trauma focused CBT and EMDR too. Psychotherapy would be helpful but very expensive.

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So I plucked up the courage to go the doctors and wish I hadn't bothered. I was in there for all of 5 minutes and the guy couldn't have seemed less interested. 

He asked me no questions and basically asked me what I wanted him to do. I would have thought they should be giving me advice?! 

Had to ask for medication and didn't even get any explanation of what they were or how they would affect me.

Terrible experience. The NHS really is the pits.

Edited by CreweCold

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5 months of Going through counciling   not quite sure if its worked   however one thing it has done is make me feel more at ease in talking  about it.   Glad i did it.    Even started charity work in  a ex young offenders home.     So all in all its been a bit of a life changer     Thanks  for all in encouraging me to do it   

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