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cheeky_monkey

It eventually had to happen.

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Here is my story of woePosted Image ..i had been married for 20 yrs..things had always been good between my wife and me..we were very close and had 3 great kids..then 2 years ago it all went wrong..we were living together in Canada and she went home to help look after her fathers business as he was sick and took the kids home too..i was to stay in Canada and return six months later once i had sorted the house jobs and cars etc...fast forward 4 months and she dropped the bombshell that she wanted a trail separation..which then led to full separation and eventually to divorce..so essentially i was left on my own in Canada to deal with this which was terribly difficult... i had always hoped that somehow we could rekindle our relationship if i returned home..which i was planning on doing in the next few months...as much to be reunited with my younger children (my oldest son returned to Canada to live with me last summer) as anything else.

 

So to cut a long story short i got that fateful email last night saying that she now has a new boyfriend etc etc..which has now thrown my whole world upside down again...now i dont have any friends (just work colleagues)nor any family here to turn to... so what i am after from you guys is a bit of a group hug if you dont mind...and maybe a little advice.

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Here is my story of woePosted Image ..i had been married for 20 yrs..things had always been good between my wife and me..we were very close and had 3 great kids..then 2 years ago it all went wrong..we were living together in Canada and she went home to help look after her fathers business as he was sick and took the kids home too..i was to stay in Canada and return six months later once i had sorted the house jobs and cars etc...fast forward 4 months and she dropped the bombshell that she wanted a trail separation..which then led to full separation and eventually to divorce..so essentially i was left on my own in Canada to deal with this which was terribly difficult... i had always hoped that somehow we could rekindle our relationship if i returned home..which i was planning on doing in the next few months...as much to be reunited with my younger children (my oldest son returned to Canada to live with me last summer) as anything else.

 

So to cut a long story short i got that fateful email last night saying that she now has a new boyfriend etc etc..which has now thrown my whole world upside down again...now i dont have any friends (just work colleagues)nor any family here to turn to... so what i am after from you guys is a bit of a group hug if you dont mind...and maybe a little advice.

 

Why did she decide to want the separation? My advice is unfortunately to move on and drop any notion that you will get back together. Act in as civil and friendly a manner as possible such that you can be friends but do not try to win her back, if she still desires you then she will make the move but don't bother waiting for her to do so.

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Sorry to hear this c-m but I find advice tricky in these situations. I got divorced a few years ago, (my first wife died after three years of marriage many years ago), but there were no kids involved and I was much older so I didn't find it much of a problem.

 

I could roll out the usual cliches but that won't help. Except perhaps one. I think you probably have to make some positive decisions. Your relationship is now ended so what's best for you (keeping the kids in mind as well) is to move on with your own life. Whether to stay in Canada or move back to the UK, and clean start and I assume easier contact with the kids? From where I'm sitting the latter maybe the best option but only you know that. And you never know down the road you may well meet someone else and they may also be a West Ham supporter (I think there's a couple left). I'm sure things won't look so bleak in six months time. In fact I know they won't

 

I told you this wouldn't help much, but all the best whatever you decide. Chin up and a few large whisky's.

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It's hurtful and awful for you, I know. It was ok while there was even a tiny ray of hope that you would get back together. But now that's gone and you must be feeling pretty bad. You're ex has obviously moved on and that is what you must do, CM. I won't burble on about making new friends/cultivating new hobbies etc. You'll do that when you are ready; but take each day as it comes, grieve for things lost, and then do what is good for you. Do what YOU want to do with your life and sod what others think. :)

I hope things go well with you, CM. ((((Hugs)))) and my best wishes.

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Sorry to hear this C-M... But as others have said, there are many out there who have gone through a similar situation.  We ( the net-weather community , who i also think of as an extended little family) can help with advice...but it really is something that you have to figure out.

 

Please dont make the mistake that i did and hope for reconciliation if there is no chance of this.  Get on with your life, keep your chin up, love your children ... but love yourself too. There will be someone else out there for you.. If you feel the need to move back here, do so because thats whats best for you and the children.  

 

Really feel for you. 

 

Sending this with lots of virtual hugs and positive thoughtsPosted Image (((((((((hugs n love)))))))))

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It must be very tough right now for you, but think of it this way, you are probably at your lowest point now and you need time to come to terms with everything.

 

With time things will get better for you just hold on in there and try to take life one day at a time.

 

A bit of advice if I may, try not to drink too much(if you are a drinker that is).

 

Best wishes CM.

 

God bless.

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Hi CM

Sorry to here your news. I don't know what to say other than what oaths have said above.

Try to keep things civil for the sake of your kids. It's going to be hard but who knows what is waiting for you round the corner?

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A hug .. and a little hope from Ireland . I have been the 'boyfriend 'in a similar situation but a casual remark I made before Christmas @ parents not trying hard enough to stay together for the children left her in deep thought ... Funny but I am delighted to be the catalyst that helped her and her ex back together !

May your world be touched with similar magic ...

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