Jump to content
Holidays
Local
Radar
Windy?

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Ed Stone

The News: 1000 Years In The Future...

Recommended Posts

What will be in the News 1000 years' from now?

Today, from his sub-tropical island home of Braemar (Eastern Scottish Archipelago) Miles Probkyn XXVIII unveiled his latest weather-forecasting gizmo: FLAT978.

Buoyed by FLAT977's 'outstanding success in correctly forecasting the current Little Ice-Age', Mr Probkyn expects '978 to be even more 'spectacularly successful' now that his new Magnetic Filament Utilization of Criteria Kit has been included. He said: 'Let's see how the Met Office competes with this little beauty!'

A Met office spokesperson declined to comment...

Probkyn's monthly forecasts are available online for a nominal £2 million per month subscription.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Meanwhile, Probkyn's Earthquake Trials continued, with his prediction of some earthquake activity (possibly Northern or Southern hemisphere preferred) at some point in the recent past +/- 1 day; being superbly confirmed on his Climate Rilers telepathysite.

He immediately took to new social media outlet Twotter to completely miss the point. Spamming his legion of followers and re-twotting his own twots on an automated loop, on the hour, every hour.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Meanwhile, Probkyn's Earthquake Trials continued, with his prediction of some earthquake activity (possibly Northern or Southern hemisphere preferred) at some point in the recent past +/- 1 day; being superbly confirmed on his Climate Rilers telepathysite.

He immediately took to new social media outlet Twotter to completely miss the point. Spamming his legion of followers and re-twotting his own twots on an automated loop, on the hour, every hour.

rofl.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Og peered out of his cave situated in an area which was once known as Nottingham - it was the end of May and he was anxiously looking for signs of the approaching spring and hoping for a fine though brief summer. He shivered as he moved aside the leather drape and pulled his sheepskins more tightly around himself.

He was dimly aware that something devastating had occurred some 200 years earlier - we know it as a nuclear winter - but the whys and wherefores were lost to Og - he was merely aware that his area must have have inhabited by gods - there were still remains of dwellings, some strange metal boxes on wheels and when the ice thawed in the spring some ground which appeared rock hard, though cracked with weeds and shrubs growing which went on for miles.

There weren't too many people about now - he was a part of a tribe of 50 or so souls and there were other such tribes a day or more's walk away. About 5 days walk to the east he had heard that there was a sea of water but had never been there. Though he believed it was possible once the spring thaw had melted the ice on the river to get there by boat.

He had also heard that some places were dangerous and people who went there developed a sickness and eventually died.......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

.........meanwhile in a parallel universe in mid April, Chris Sprat, opened his windows to a beautiful morning - the temperature was already 18C and forecast to rise to 25C with a clear blue sky and gentle northerly breeze - it was now mid spring and the snows of winter had finally melted some 6 weeks before.

His house was situated on a slight rise in the ground and he could just see what was left of the North Sea in the distance - a few centuries ago this area was the North Sea, in fact the Dogger Bank.

It was in fact about the year of 2050 that the west Europeans became increasing alarmed that they were running out of living space due to the large influx of other peoples from other parts of the globe exasperated by a severe drought in the low to middle latitudes making a lot of these areas all but inhabitable.

A decision was made, that was to reclaim the North Sea, so little by little waste aggregate from all over Western Europe was dropped in the sea over the Dogger Bank to start with until it was eventually raised above sea level. This gave a foothold which was expanded over the next 200 to 300 years was enlarged to cover a good portion of the southern part of the North Sea, leaving some salt water lakes, to begin with but over the years these gradually become desalinated from rainfall, and also rivers. Where the Thames met the Rhine a river of massive proportions, made bigger by other confluences from the Humber further to the north and those in between, though any more northerly rivers had their outflow to the north.

This lead to the mighty river to the south being some 5 miles wide and it was navigable still giving access to the ports of Amsterdam, Rotterdam and London, though for Felixstowe a channel in the form of a grand canal was left open. Other more northerly ports on both the British side and Dutch German side retained the access they always had.

This new land was given the names of West Doggerland and East Doggerland and they became a states in their own right, taking it's administration from the participating countries of England, no longer the United Kingdom because of the withdrawal of Scotland from the union during the early part of the 20th Century for the west, and an enlarged Flemland, taking in historical Flanders and southern Belgium and an enlarged Holland, which took in the northern part of former Belgium, making states three states within which the people were broadly of the same customs an culture, for the east.

In the main the continued bickering between the Flemish and the Walloons were the catalyst for this and it was felt that the artificial nation of Belgium formed after the end of the Napoleonic wars had served its purpose in history and the interests of all were best served by returning the lands to the original nations. It was a solution which was fairly widely accepted, though with some minor bickering from the French at the loss of a small portion of their northern lands, however since this had always been a more impoverished part of the nation and generally took more than it gave, their objections were somewhat muted.

England in fact gained an area which it reclaimed from the sea roughly along a line from Skegness to the north east corner of Norfolk, and an area off the original Thames Estuary.

However for the ordinary person the borders were academic; a road and rail system with bridges across the wide rivers gave free access to all.

English became the principal language, though French and Dutch were also used.

The effect of creating these new lands had an effect on the climate which overall meant that it became more continental in nature, leading to colder but drier winters and warmer summers with more convective rainfall especially where the relatively cold winds from off the North Sea, now to the north met the warmer airs of Doggerland.

As this new land became desalinated it formed a rich fertile soil, making the basis of a productive arable farming industry from wheat fields to market gardening, irrigated by the river waters during the dry summers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maggie Thatcher was reincarnated as.........................a coal miners wife.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Maggie Thatcher was reincarnated as.........................a coal miners wife.

To rise to prominence as a 'femme formidable'

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

England lose on penalties to the Shetland Republic in the Euro 3012 quarter finals.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To rise to prominence as a 'femme formidable'

I know what you mean.

post-12275-0-79502300-1342131490_thumb.j

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

NEWS: 12 years on from the global re-distribution of wealth in 3000, everyone is now rich and everyone is happy, even the unhappy bar stewards. Work is now offically classified as a four letter expletive, indeed calling someone a 'worker' is now considered an insult on a par with a very similar sounding word widely used back in 2999.

Most homes in the United Kingdom of Europe have now been fitted with the latest weather machine, 90% of them set to make it rain, but those sited here have natually all been modified to stop it raining... what they did all those years ago without it I'll never know.

So that's about it for this evening... over to the weather.

WEATHER: Pick what you want - goodnight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Last week, 312 years after the first great interstellar war of 2671-2700, the Irish Atlantic Federation finally completed it's reparations, 450 quadrillion Earthos.

Feelings in some regions are still raw, after the Irish invasion and occupation of the of the Antarctic Republic, much of the former American continents, Africa and the Lunar territories. Their plans to create a new ginger super-race were thwarted when, backed by the Proxima Centaurians and Martian Armed Forces, the Lunar territories were taken back by the North Koreans. With that defeat, the Irish lost access to the Dyson Sphere and with it, the power to control the masses. An armed uprising across the Earth's occupied territories using primitive weapons such laser rifles and improvised anti-matter explosive devices soon defeated the Irish and peace was once again restored.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BFTV - you sound like a suitable case for treatment mate...rofl.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×