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mackerel sky

Being A Dad

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I haven't had much time to post over the past few months and for good reason.

Anytime now, my wife is about to drop a child. In the process i've changed jobs, got my Phd and we've moved house. Very stressful things in their own right.

After several week's of putting together more flat pack furniture for the baby's bedroom, I think we are ready. The baby's bag is packed, and despite the setback of Dave the whippet chewing the crotch out of my wife's brand new maternal nighty, I think we are in good shape generally.

I'm a nervous wreck of course. So any kind words of wisdom would go a long way. We aren't young first parents - both in our mid-30s, but I still don't know what to expect really. I've sorted out my paternity leave etc and my wife works in the NHS in intensive care, and left early for maternity leave because of the confusion surrounding senior staffing and swine flu.

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no doubt you will hear many words of wisdom from friends and family. but the most meaningful thing said to me and my wife was "sleep when the baby sleeps"

here's hopng all goes well and you and your wife have a healthy happy baby

good luck.

Mick :aggressive:

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Awesome. Get soft focus black and white photo's of yourself looking beat/bushed, holding your baby against your naked naked chest and post them here.

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Firstly congratulations on everthing, it an experience that you remember till your last breath. You are priviledge to have the responibility of teaching another humane being all your and your partners experiences and passing on your knowledge. Grab as much sleep as you can, get the baby in a routine as soon as possible for feeding and sleeping and don't be tempted to alter the patterns, listen to the grand parents as they seemed to have done OK with you. Enjoy the first few years as unfortunately they get older, they do change with age and go through many phases enjoy them all, try to understand each phase and eventually when they are between 20 & 30 you will have have a well rounded human being of which you will be proud.

It is a magical journey with many ups and downs sometimes the downs are so low that you just want to give up, don't as the end result is far greater than thee parts.

I am in the opposite situation to you now my kids are grown up and have flown the nest and all have got there own lifes, but it is always mum and dad they return to for advice. By the way when it is born you can say good bye to your love life (both to tired) and you will be poor for the rest of life, on the money front if you think it is expensive bringing them into the world, then wait to there 20 and 30's this year we helped 2 to start there own business, 1 to move out, one produced our first grandson, next year we got a wedding to pay for (start saving now), a holiday for the eldest 30th birtday. Knowing all this would we do it again, of course.

My final piece of advice, enjoy ever minute, we have.

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I hope all goes well with the birth, MS. Do keep us posted. :)

I have two gorgeous sons, aged 11 and 10. One thing my husband has said is that the birth of our first son altered his life completely in an instant; whereas I'd had nine months to get used to the idea of always putting someone else's needs before my own.

I would echo Mick's advice - sleep when the baby sleeps; housework is always there, but the chance to rest is not.

Charlton Kerry also has a lot of good advice for you, especially about phases... when your baby is having a good phase, relax, enjoy it and cherish the memories. When they're having a bad phase, relax, remember it won't last forever, and learn from it for next time. They really aren't babies for very long, although, as my boys hate being reminded, they will always be my babies! (And I'd have had more children if I could.)

My husband also says that he took the PMT rules and multiplied them by around 100 until my hormones returned to normal. (Which, considering how close together we had our sons, took about 3 years.) Oh, and I highly recommend breast feeding.

I think you're off to a good start; asking for advice is always good, although you don't have to take it, of course. (Do bear in mind every child is different, so what works for one won't necessarily work for another - even within the same family, as I've found with my two!)

To conclude, parenthood is wonderful... bloody hard work... but worth every minute.

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Mack. Mick's advise about sleeping is true. Get it when you can. Not that you'll feel shattered, you'll just feel better for it.

My own advise...go with the flow and enjoy it. Forget the horror stories, and live for the moment. You'll love it no matter what :)

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Sleep when they do, be prepared for nothing ever being the same again, don't be surprised if ,whilst Mrs is grabbing some rest, you find youself just lying there and looking at this amazing little person you've given life to when you should be sleeping too.

Luckily I have never come across anyone who found they weren't but you'll find you'll be doing far too much checking that they're still breathing when they are still and asleep!!!

Be prepared to look like a father (no matter how hard you try you'll still have that milky vom on you shoulder and look like you could do with a good nights kip).

Doing nappies and being upchucked on is ok when it's your own..........though this shouldn't be surely?

It is traditional for Dad to be in trouble for teaching baby to do naughty things........honestbiggrin.gif

Good luck to you all!

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there is nothing to prepare you for the tiredness that night after night of disturbed sleep brings on. however, your body will adjust to this and try not to get too fractious over the weeks whilst this slowly happens.

we're on my fourth (and last!!) and i remember how nervous and worried we were with our first. you have to convince your wife that your baby wont 'break'. i recall after a few days at home we phoned the hospital petrofied that he wasnt able to breathe - my mother in law took him and stretched hime out - hey presto he was fine. we were holding him so carefully he was 'squashed into himself'! they really are tougher than they look.

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When i had my first child i found that sometimes i could not settle her but my husband was able to. This was because the baby smelt my milk. I felt as if i was not a good mother because i could not calm my child when my husband could. Your wife will need you to help her and understand how she feels if this happens to her. My husband was brilliant. Be prepared to feel a little side lined as your wife will be totaly in love with your new baby but know that if she is making you feel left out she does not mean to. Loads of people spend time on making sure mother and baby are alright and foget that it is a big life changing moment for dad too so take time for yourself and your wife to be with your baby on your own. Sometimes it is ok to close the door and ask well wishers to stay away for a while so you can get used to being parents together.

One last thing try to have an evening out every month at least because a baby takes over your life and you were a couple before the baby came and you need to still have that time together.

Congrats and good luck. (take your ring off when your wife goes into labour you will save yourself a whole lot of pain lol)

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another tip. put a piece of clothing of your wifes into the baby's cot wrapped around the pillow. it helps baby feel secure that he/she can smell mum. :)

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I expected to give birth to the typical 'text book' baby. IE - sleep 20 hours per day, feed every 4 hours. It never happened, and that was a big shock to the system!

Just take every day as it comes, as no two days will be the same - and sleep when you both can!

Good luck :ph34r:

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Being a young dad with only one kid I doubt that my words of wisdom will be as good as others who have supported you, all I know is I'm so glad to have someone to dote on and who plays guitar just like her daddy haha, she's still only 2 years 2 months, but wow, talented little musician and definitely interested.

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'mon the Dads!!!

Glad to hear your good news. Being a Dad is the best thing in the world. It is hard work, but well worth it. There is no more important thing than being a Dad. Except being a Mum. But if you're like me and have dangly bits, then being a Dad is the best you can hope for.

:drinks::)

Being a young dad with only one kid I doubt that my words of wisdom will be as good as others who have supported you, all I know is I'm so glad to have someone to dote on and who plays guitar just like her daddy haha, she's still only 2 years 2 months, but wow, talented little musician and definitely interested.

Hi Watcher, and no offence is meant by this. But why do u put yourself down as "a young dad"?? How old are you?? And why do you think your words of wisdom are worth less than mine or anyone else's?? Indeed, you could probably teach us other dads a thing or two.

Anyone who is a proper parent is a top person, in my opinion.

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First, conga rats on the impending birth. My advice would be to expect the unexpected with the birth, if you have a ‘birth plan’ written out (we did) be prepared to rip it up (we did) as there may not be the time or staff there to stick to the plan. If you have read pregnancy and birth books and/or gone to birth classes the chances are the birth will be nothing like how it is described. Our little one took 24 hours of labour to think about coming out - then did by emergency C-Section.

As a Dad, expect to feel in the way, awkward and generally pretty useless – but you won’t be. By being there you will be a great help to your wife, but expect all manner of abuse and threats to you, and particularly your testicles (the threats I had were pretty gruesome and involved a blunt, rusty knife). The whole experience may well be long and hard, you will see various people stick needles in all sorts of areas of your wife’s body – but – the first time you see your baby’s face your life will change forever.

Others have given excellent ideas for the first few weeks/months – expect to feel somewhat sidelined as all the attention (rightly so really) will be on your wife and junior, and sleep as much as you can. Most of all, enjoy having a baby around, very soon he/she will be into toddler-mode and you will wonder where your little baby went. Our little man will be two in a few weeks and I can’t believe how quickly he is growing up.

Ps – and, of course, don’t forget about Dave the Whippet, dogs can be jealous too.

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Your thread concerning being a dad has made me think, whilst previously within this thread i and others have come up with with the normal bits of advice, there is one major item that i or anybody else has not mentioned. Whilst this is not solely the responsibilty of the father (but it was in my case) it has a lasting effect for the babies whole life. Quite simply it is the name.

Now people reading this knowing my forename is Kerry will have this picture in there mind of a lovely long legged, slim, blonde headed girl, but unfortunately i am a 6' overweight, bald bloke, who's father lumbered me with a sissy first name (there was a good reason, and was not like the song a boy named sue). Now i think i am an expert at describing the effects of having an unusual name as being 57 tomorrow i have had plenty of practice. It goes from the cringingly embrassing time of attending the first day at school, to now days where i am throughout my industry i am only known by my first name and nobody knows my second. Probable overall it has been advantagous as people tend not to forget you, however you do have to get use to the embrassing situations, such as in the check out queue when the girl think it is funny to yell at the top of voice that her daughter has the same name.

Also you have to think of how the initial look on formal documentation i knew a friend who was called Pratt not an uncommon surname but certainly embrassing if your doting parents have name you Ian, Andrew, Michael, Alex, Pratt, i am sure you can work it out. Not only that you must think of how the pronounciation might sound over the air, and this one is certainly true in this case which i heard regularly during visits to a food factory in east anglia which usually stopped production, The ding dong would sould and the tannoy would ask for Mr Wayne Carr to report to reception, just think that poor lad had that hanging over his head for his whole life, but i bet his dad thought it was funny.

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my eldest daughter's name was going to be Paige, until i was walking down the road one day and a woman was calling the name out... she was calling her dog! :drinks:

my youngest daughter's name (Lillie) was picked by her elder sister (Amie) :unknw:

i was watching the news this morning about babies sleeping in with the parents. a cause for concern over sudden infant death :unknw: strange how the rules seem to change every so often. 15 years ago it was OK for our newborn to be in the bed sleeping with us. although it very rarely happened as she was poorly when born and as a result of missed diagnosis she suffered a lactose intolerance that kept her awake for about 20 hours of the day. the remaining 4 hours were not spent in continuous sleep. she could sleep for 15 minutes and then be awake for 5 hours.

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i did not do well choosing my childrens names..my eldest is called samuel..at the the time not many sams around 3/4 yrs later it was the number ones boys name..then came my daughter grace again no girls called grace now it is the number ones girls name ;) my youngest is called joe (i named him after joe cole unfotunatley west ham got relegated and joe cole left for chelsea :wub: )..at least i didnt sadlle them with names like caprice, heavenly and sunshine all girls in my childrens classes :lol:

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I've got two twins (impossible to have any other number i know) The girl is named Mischa after a Russian character in the sequel to the "Silence of the lambs" and the boy is called Thomas, as we thought it would be cool to have another Tom Baker (Much respected Doctor Who actor) in the world.

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