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  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    I've just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.

    It’s a small scale operation.

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    A Scotsman walks into the Bank of England in Threadneedle Street, Central London and asks for the manager. He tells the manager that he is going to Australia on business for two weeks and needs to bor

    My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter sew it seams.

    An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

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    Posted
  • Location: Woodland Garden, South Yorks
  • Weather Preferences: Warm and Humid weather, Thunderstorms
  • Location: Woodland Garden, South Yorks

    What produces a lot of wind, is highly disruptive and sprays white stuff everywhere? The beast from the east.

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    Posted
  • Location: Bedfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Thunderstorms, warm/hot plumes, snow, anything severe
  • Location: Bedfordshire

    8EC26295-7300-406D-B860-39F68782BF73.jpeg

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    Posted
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Any extremes
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire

    I used to have a job collecting leaves...

    I was raking it in 😃

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    I'm so irritated with my neighbor today, he kept playing Lionel Richie songs at full blast.

    Normally I wouldn't mind, but it was All Night Long.

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    Posted
  • Location: Near King's Lynn 13.68m ASL
  • Weather Preferences: Hoar Frost, Snow, Misty Autumn mornings
  • Location: Near King's Lynn 13.68m ASL

    Gammons4London! Not forgetting that his party is led by Mr Dick Braine.

    Who's the campaign manager: Auntie Emmy Grant?

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    Posted
  • Location: Bedfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Thunderstorms, warm/hot plumes, snow, anything severe
  • Location: Bedfordshire

     

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.

    I'm now in hospital, waiting to be seen...

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    • 2 weeks later...
    Posted
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Any extremes
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire

    If you don't know what introspection means, you need to take a long hard look at yourself!

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    Posted
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Any extremes
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire

    I watched a documentary last night about holding ships together.

    It was riveting 😃

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    Posted
  • Location: Bedfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Thunderstorms, warm/hot plumes, snow, anything severe
  • Location: Bedfordshire

     

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    • 4 weeks later...
    Posted
  • Location: Lee, London. SE12, 41 mts. 134.5 ft asl.
  • Weather Preferences: Snowy, wintry weather
  • Location: Lee, London. SE12, 41 mts. 134.5 ft asl.

    Surely, a candidate for Christmas Number 1:

     

    Regards,

    Tom.  👍

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    Posted
  • Location: East Lothian
  • Weather Preferences: Not too hot, excitement of snow, a hoolie
  • Location: East Lothian

    My auntie finished her masters in Glasgow. She moved to Edinburgh and became an undergraduate. It's -2°

    dec31edinminus2.png

    Edited by Jo Farrow
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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    I've started a new band called Blanket.

    We're a cover band.

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    Old Macdonald got into debt and has to sell his farm to pay off what he e-i-e-i owes.

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    • 2 weeks later...
    Posted
  • Location: North London
  • Location: North London

    Just had a decorator in to do some work. Got chatting to him & turns out he’s an ex BA pilot who’s been furloughed and is earning a bit of extra cash.

    He made a lovely job of the landing

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    Posted
  • Location: Coniston, Cumbria 90m ASL
  • Weather Preferences: wintry
  • Location: Coniston, Cumbria 90m ASL

    received_429771281701024.jpeg

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    Posted
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Any extremes
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire

    The class had been learning about Robin Hood.

    "Who was Robin Hood's girlfriend?" Asked the teacher.

    "Trudy Glenn" said little Johnny

    "No, it was Maid Marion" replied the teacher

    "But in the song it says Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glenn" Answered Johnny

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    Posted
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Any extremes
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire

    24 hour vaccination centres - are they a shot in the dark?

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