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Posted
  • Location: Birmingham, Harborne 160 asl
  • Weather Preferences: Columus Bigus Convectivus
  • Location: Birmingham, Harborne 160 asl

     

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    Spotted a post you think may be an issue? Please help the team by reporting it.
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    My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter sew it seams.

    A Scotsman walks into the Bank of England in Threadneedle Street, Central London and asks for the manager. He tells the manager that he is going to Australia on business for two weeks and needs to bor

    I started a band called 999 megabytes.   We still haven't got a gig

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    Where did Noah keep a record of his bees?

    In the Ark hives.

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    Posted
  • Location: Beccles, Suffolk.
  • Weather Preferences: Thunder, snow, heat, sunshine...
  • Location: Beccles, Suffolk.

    What do a hedge-fund manager and a sperm have in common? They both have a one in three-million chance of developing into a fine human being!

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    I was in my garden and the neighbour looked over the fence and said. What are you doing?

    I'm putting all my plants in alphabetical order...

    She replied Really? I don't know how you find the time!

    Oh, that's easy I said, Its right next to the sage.

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    Posted
  • Location: Bedfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Thunderstorms, warm/hot plumes, snow, anything severe
  • Location: Bedfordshire

    85DD4834-D26A-4F16-BA41-EEBE925641E7.jpeg

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    Posted
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Any extremes
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire

    *** VIRUS LATEST ***

    The Red Arrows RAF Acrobatic Display team are refusing to perform any more until the government relaxes the 2 meter spacing rule.

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    Posted
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Any extremes
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire

    Doctors have just announced a cheap over the counter alternative to Viagra. Just ask for Micoxafailin. There is another even cheaper alternative but reports say it is not so effective Midixadrupin.

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    Posted
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Any extremes
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire

    Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 at me - It's OK though I only have super fish oil injuries. ?

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    Posted
  • Location: Nr Driffield, E Yorks, (66m ASL)
  • Weather Preferences: Deep Snow & Warm lazy Summer Days
  • Location: Nr Driffield, E Yorks, (66m ASL)

    2 fish in a tank, one fish turns to the other a says 'do u know how to drive this'

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    I started a band called 999 megabytes.

     

    We still haven't got a gig

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    Posted
  • Location: Nr Driffield, E Yorks, (66m ASL)
  • Weather Preferences: Deep Snow & Warm lazy Summer Days
  • Location: Nr Driffield, E Yorks, (66m ASL)

    Did you hear about the 'Magic tractor'? It turned into a field....

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    Went in the butchers this morning and asked for some tripe.

    He gave me a DVD box set of Love Island.

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    Just Been to Sainsbury’s and Swapped 50 Raisins for 100 Sultanas. I Can't Believe the Currant Exchange Rate.

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    Posted
  • Location: South Ockendon, Thurrock, SW Essex
  • Weather Preferences: Severe frosts, Heavy snowfall, Thunder and lightning, Stormy weather
  • Location: South Ockendon, Thurrock, SW Essex

    Hank Pym wore his yellowjacket when he ever visited his ant (aunt) Antonia who reward him with a gift of yellow cotton Hankies.

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a supermarket

    How long have you felt like this?

    Ever since I was Lidl

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    Posted
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire
  • Weather Preferences: Any extremes
  • Location: SE Oxfordshire

    I've just seen a dyslexic Yorkshire man - he was wearing a cat flap

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    Posted
  • Location: Darlington
  • Weather Preferences: Warm dry summers
  • Location: Darlington

    I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of Cheddar at me. Outraged, I shouted. Well, that’s not very mature, is it?

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    • Week Ahead: Bimbling lows keeping the weather unsettled, showery and cool

      Low pressure is going to keep doing its thing during the upcoming week, rolling in from the Atlantic, then hanging around to bring days of sunshine and showers with occasional longer spells of rain. Read the full update here

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      UK Storm and Severe Convective Forecast

      UK Severe Convective & Storm Forecast - Issued 2021-05-16 06:49:50 Valid: 16/05/2021 0600 - 17/05/2021 0600 THUNDERSTORM WATCH - SUN 16TH MAY 2021 Click here for the full forecast

      Nick F
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      Latest weather updates from Netweather

      UK Storm and Severe Convective Forecast

      UK Severe Convective & Storm Forecast - Issued 2021-05-15 09:37:16 Valid: 15/05/2021 0600 - 16/05/2021 0600 THUNDERSTORM WATCH - SAT 15TH MAY 2021 Click here for the full forecast

      Nick F
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