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When the Sheepwash village sheep have finished having their morning wash they would walk with their guide to Guidepost to go to the Guide Post office to get money out of their post office bank account to go shopping at the local mini supermarket. They went to the Half Moon Inn to have a few pints of organic real ale along with a green salad which was bought at the the inn's baarrr.🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑

Edited by Katrine Basso
add smileys

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*Dazza realises that he has posted this into the wrong thread, apologises, backs out of the door and tips hat on the way*

Edited by Dazza
Wrong thread!

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I just found out that “Aaarghh” is not a real word. I can’t express how angry I am.

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that Stafford if full of weirdos, LOL that many guys are obsessed/jealous of/with me, think I may know why, my bod, 9 stone and proud, suck it up suckers!

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I just started a business building yachts in my attic. Sail are going through the roof.

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Got to love Joe Marler. He's crackers.

 

 

 

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I got arrested this morning after I went through the self service checkout with my six cans of sprite, but when security looked in my bag I'd picked 7 up
 

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Q: What is an astronaut's favourite chocolate?
A: A mars-bar!

Q: Why did the sun go to school?
A: To get brighter!

Q: How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?
A: When it’s full.

Q: what do you call a tick on the moon?
A: A luna-tick

Q: What kind of music do planets sing?
A: Neptunes!

Q: What’s a light-year?
A: The same as a regular year, but with less calories.

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The local news station was interviewing an 80 year-old lady because she had just got married for the fourth time.  The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband.   “He’s a funeral director,” she explained.

The newspaperman found this interesting and he then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.  After a short time a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now, in her 80’s – a funeral  director.

The interviewer looked at her somewhat surprised, and asked her how she had come to marry men in such diverse walks of life…..

“I married number one for the money, two the show, three to get ready and four to go…..”

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Bob Geldof charging between €40,000 and €70,000 for public speaking appearances.

Haha

We`ve got to go and see this for a load of non enlightening speech.

WWW.IRISHMIRROR.IE

The outspoken Irish musician - worth an estimated €57million - remains in huge demand as a speaker

 

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I accidentally touched a women on the Brest the other day...

i felt a right tit🤣

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i was walking the dog the other morning and saw a lorry go by,i flagged him and he said what's wrong.i said you are loosing your load,he said,i am gritting you twit.

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On 28/11/2019 at 20:20, Summer Sun said:

What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe.

Bless-shoe

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I asked the toy store assistant where the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures were. She replied: “Aisle B, back.”

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Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather?

A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

Q: Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?

A: The nearest ISOBAR.

Q: What did the hail storm say to the roof?

A: Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary sprinkles.

Q: What do you call a wet bear?

A: A drizzly bear.

Q: How do thunderstorms invest their money?

A: In a combination of liquid assets and frozen assets.
 

 

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Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

A: Terrier-fied!

Q: Why did the dog cross the road?

A: To get to the "barking" lot!

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?

A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A: A bloodhound!

Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

A: He stole the show!

Q: What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?

A: A golden receiver!

Q: What does my dog and my phone have in common?

A: They both have collar I.D.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?

A: Dingo Starr!

Q: What do you call a dog magician?

A: A labracadabrador.

Q: What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee?

A: a Greyhound Buzz.

 

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