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Two grains of sand in the desert, one turns to the other "busy here isn't it"

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I came out of the chip shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips,mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sitting there said "I've not eaten for two whole days". I told him " I wish I had your will power".

Edited by sunsetter

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Posted Image

Let it be known that no animals were harmed or killed in the making of this video. Posted Image

Before anyone likes the video, did the puddy cat survive?

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I was behind a little old lady at the cashpoint this morning. She turned to me and asked if I would check her balance for her. Not being one to disappoint, I pushed her over.

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I was at the club on saturday night with some mates, and there was a really fat girl jiggling around on the dance floor. I mooched up to her and we started dancing. After a minute I asked her whether she'd like to go somewhere else for a drink. She was dead chuffed and said "I'd love to!". I said "Great, because you're making me and the lads feel a bit sick."

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MALE V FEMALE AT THE ATM

A new sign in the Bank reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed... Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

MALE PROCEDURE:

1... Drive up to the ATM.

2. LOWER your car window...

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Raise window..

7. Drive off..

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

(Unfortunately, most of this is true.!!)

1.. Drive up to ATM machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN ....

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to ATM machine.

21. Retrieve card..

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card

Holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and drive off.

25. Redial person on mobile phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 kilometres.

27. Release Hand Brake.

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The wheel, it's circular! Ruins the whole car!

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IPADS FOR SALE to selected individuals . . . .

Hi Guy's,

Interested in getting an iPad?

I know someone who can get hold of them through a contact. These are legit, not off the back of a truck; they are from a

Cancelled Hospital contract (Government cutbacks blah, blah). The numbers are limited - he has twenty iPads going for less than half price so its first come first served.

He has already sold one (pic below so you can see what you are getting).

PM me if you want one.

post-10773-0-99718600-1334869331_thumb.j

Cheers Posted Image

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Lol Ali now that made me chuckle :)

Did you see that pic Tony had on Facebook about an hour ago lol

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Lol Ali now that made me chuckle Posted Image

Did you see that pic Tony had on Facebook about an hour ago lol

Was that the 'bag' ? - yes I saw that Posted Image

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My mate fixed me up with a blind date. Said that she was a stunner.

Turns out she works in the abattoir

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A few silly pictures from ye old directory.

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post-131-0-05528300-1335206372_thumb.jpg

post-131-0-38975800-1335206418_thumb.jpg

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Lol Ali now that made me chuckle Posted Image

Did you see that pic Tony had on Facebook about an hour ago lol

Not this Tony I take it.

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No not you this time gtltw ... it was lorenzo Tony Posted Image

Posted Image Got away with one for a change then. I'll leave for now because I'm clearly not making anyone laugh.

Edited by gottolovethisweather

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