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Bishop Brennan

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Status Updates posted by Bishop Brennan

  1. I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

  2. My girlfriend complained that I always put football before our relationship. I told her I don’t agree, after all we’ve been together for three seasons now.

    1. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      lol AJ, never heard that one before

    2. beerandkebab

      beerandkebab

      i made it up bish

    3. Nick L

      Nick L

      Don't quit the day job AJ ;)

    4. Show next comments  6 more
  3. Just bought myself a wooden car, with wooden wheels, wooden seats, and a wooden engine. And guess what? It wooden start.

    1. NUT

      NUT

      *GROAN*

  4. As a matter of interest, how many more goals did Liverplop rack up vs Palace tonight? I turned off at 0-3, game over.

    1. Dancerwithwings

      Dancerwithwings

      You've taken points off the top 4 this season, do ya thing you will take any off Man City Weds :p

    2. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      Suarez was in tears afterwards. I take it he's not confident re Villa's prospects vs Man City lol

    3. Steve C

      Steve C

      You are definitely the forum's resident joker BB. :) - meant in a nice way.

    4. Show next comments  6 more
  5. Clarkson announces he has one last chance. He's been in that saloon so long now he must be absolutely hammered.

  6. I don't understand why Liverpool fans are so depressed tonight. Do they not realise that Man City still have to play the mighty Villa next week?

    1. Dancerwithwings

      Dancerwithwings

      Funny Bish!! But then again i'm a blues nose and i'm defiantly not finding it funny atm! :~<

    2. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      Between them, Villa and Bloose are redefining the meaning of the term 'rubbish' this season.

    3. Dancerwithwings

      Dancerwithwings

      Most of the problems are non pitch related that's the most frustrating part of it all... for both clubs and other's also!

    4. Show next comments  6 more
  7. I’ve just finished watching a documentary on the invention of the pick axe. It was ground breaking stuff.

  8. It's my 40th birthday today - all downhill from here!

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Daniel*

      Daniel*

      Happy Birthday BB - You have got some years left in you ;)

    3. cheese

      cheese

      It was just a joke, Eugene. 40 is the new 30, apparently.

    4. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      Thank for all the messages everyone, very kind of you :-)

    5. Show next comments  6 more
  9. My girlfriend wasn't sure about me using my homemade anaesthetic on her, but she's finally come round.

    1. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      Are there any other anaesthetic jokes out there? I’m not conscious of any.

    2. jtay

      jtay

      Do you mean like knock out , knock out jokes?

    3. Dancerwithwings

      Dancerwithwings

      Chloroform and a cloth normally does it for me, saves the small talk...lol

  10. I've just made a life size jelly of Robert Mugabe. I’ve set a dangerous president.

    1. Steve C

      Steve C

      Very good. :)

      You'll have to make a Putin now.

    2. Styx

      Styx

      a very good one!

  11. I've decided to stick sequins all over my Ford Transit. I've always wanted a camper van.

  12. I'm about to hold a contest to see how many people can fit onto one horse. There’s a lot riding on it.

    1. gottolovethisweather

      gottolovethisweather

      neigh, you not dung that joke before then. welcome back btw.

    2. BornFromTheVoid

      BornFromTheVoid

      A guy from work was hospitalised with a dozen plastic horse up his a**. Doctors described his condition as stable...

    3. Bishop Brennan
    4. Show next comments  6 more
  13. My new Czech girlfriend takes ages to hoover the house. Turns out she’s a slovak.

    1. DAVID SNOW

      DAVID SNOW

      From the ethnic cleansing employment agency.

    2. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      Keep Croating these puns. I'm Hungary for more!

    3. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      lol Aderyn, you're getting good at these!

    4. Show next comments  6 more
  14. I’ve been turned down for voluntary redundancy after working 30 years at the spoon factory. I’m going stir crazy there!

  15. I noticed a great deal at the local music shop today. If I buy the complete set of Adam & The Ants sheet music, they’ll throw in a stand and deliver.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      This bloke keeps phoning me up and singing "Stand and Deliver" and "Prince Charming" down the phone to me. I told him to go away but he's adamant.

    3. Dorsetbred
    4. chubbyfan

      chubbyfan

      don't tread on an ant its done nothing to you, there might come a time when its treading on you.

    5. Show next comments  6 more
  16. I’ve been told I’m a terrible owl impersonator. I couldn’t give two hoots.

    1. DAVID SNOW
    2. Styx

      Styx

      that's a real howler..

    3. Jan

      Jan

      you're a proper owl moaner

    4. Show next comments  6 more
  17. I’ve contracted an illness which makes me think I’m turning into capital cities. It’s starting to Hanoi me now.

    1. Show previous comments  12 more
    2. Bobby

      Bobby

      Needed gravy for my roast dinner - so I went to Tesco and bought some Stockholm

    3. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      lol what a bunch of nutcases!

    4. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      Bishkek Brennan, I was under the Asuncion that you were expecting such replies.

    5. Show next comments  6 more
  18. I’ve just placed five crates of vodka on a forklift. I needed something to lift my spirits.

    1. Bishop Brennan
    2. Bobby

      Bobby

      That's a good one

  19. My mate is making himself a belt made entirely of old watch straps. Talk about a waist of time.

    1. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      I now know straight away when I see Len's status updates that there's a pun-based punchline coming. It's something I've clocked onto.

  20. I was just saying how fantastic my new coffee table looks when it suddenly collapsed in front of us. It was entirely my fault – I put the mochas on it.

    1. Mapantz

      Mapantz

      Are you a Tim Vine fan BB?

    2. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      Yes, he's very funny. Stewart Francis is the best for puns though :-)

    3. Mapantz

      Mapantz

      Yeah definitely! Milton jones is another one. Love quick jokes and puns. :)

    4. Show next comments  6 more
  21. Why is it that people in Dubai don’t understand the humour in The Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi do?

    1. Mapantz
    2. Mapantz

      Mapantz

      They celebrate Christmas on the Flintstones and it's set before Christ. lol

    3. Bishop Brennan
    4. Show next comments  6 more
  22. Our local ice cream man has been found lying dead on the floor of his van, covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

    1. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      The ambulance crew didn't get there in time, because he phoned 99 instead of 999.

    2. Dale Hay

      Dale Hay

      Ahaha! That's brilliant! (Gonna pinch that) :p

    3. Fozfoster
    4. Show next comments  6 more
  23. I keep typing a Valentine's message to my girlfriend but I can't get the margin in the right place. I can't justify my love.

    1. gottolovethisweather

      gottolovethisweather

      Madonna managed to, so why can't you.

    2. Bottesford
  24. Blimey, it's actually snowing in Solihull right now. Big flakes as well.

    1. Dancerwithwings

      Dancerwithwings

      Duvet size flakes gone now!!! Back to Ten to Fifty pence sizes for now :)

      Bish posted this just to tell the rest what we have been...enduring.. lol

  25. Whoever designed Windows 8 is the spawn of the devil himself. I feel like chucking the whole damn PC out the window.

    1. Nick L

      Nick L

      I hope I never have to switch to Windows 8, very happy with 7!

    2. UV-RAY

      UV-RAY

      I ditched Microsoft three years ago when I moved over to Apple, Kve never looked back no glitches and constant updating. Sometime times simplicity is bliss.

    3. UV-RAY

      UV-RAY

      Lol, though repetitive mistakes typing on my iPad are annoying.

    4. Show next comments  6 more
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