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Bishop Brennan

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Status Updates posted by Bishop Brennan

  1. My mate who suffered with a lisp has died. He’ll be greatly miffed.

  2. I've spent the entire day inside my wardrobe. When my wife asked why, I replied "Narnia business".

  3. PC World are absolutely rubbish! They couldn’t repair the broken ‘Enter’ key on my keyboard. Won’t be returning anytime soon.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Summer Sun
    3. Daniel*

      Daniel*

      I don't get it i'm terrible at this lol

    4. Summer Sun

      Summer Sun

      the enter key under the backspace is known as the return key

    5. Show next comments  3 more
  4. My mate went into the local O2 shop, registered a complaint and convinced them to top up his mobile for free. Full credit to him.

    1. lassie23

      lassie23

      Why don't you put them all in a book and get published?

  5. I had my son baptised today. The vicar was dressed in a gorilla costume. Seemed strange at first, but it was a blessing in disguise.

  6. If you are bored with F1, try F5 instead - a refreshing change.

    1. lassie23
    2. Barry12
    3. Dorsetbred

      Dorsetbred

      Gave up with F1 a few years back, and now it is sooooo boring, it has be better than the ecklestone traffic jam

  7. When can we start speculating about the upcoming winter?

    1. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      I might treat myself to a sneaky peak at the CFS shortly.

    2. lassie23

      lassie23

      I think the ECM is hinting at sleet on the 23rd November!

    3. Dancerwithwings

      Dancerwithwings

      Hi Bish, 20cm on the 28th of Jan.. that's my prediction...you said the word speculating so i'm speculating :D

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  8. Bilbo Baggins died in bed last night after an overdose of Viagra. Old hobbits die hard.

  9. I fell into the lens grinding machine at a glasses factory. Made a complete spectacle of myself.

  10. At last, I’ve finally managed to establish what the > and

  11. I thought I saw Michael J Fox down at the garden centre earlier, but I couldn’t be sure. He had his back to the fuchsias.

  12. I’m trying to fish without facing the water. I’ve made a rod for my own back.

    1. Jan

      Jan

      it's really not the plaice

    2. Jan

      Jan

      I hope you are not perched on the bank

    3. Jan

      Jan

      dom't tell him pike

  13. The World Origami Championship is on telly next weekend, but you'll have to cough up cash to view it. It's on paper view.

    1. A.J

      A.J

      good one Bish...lol

    2. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      No triple, it's just that Team GB failed to make the cut.

  14. I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up. That's me in the korma.

    1. simshady

      simshady

      I had a Tarka the other day...like a Tikka but a little 'otter.

    2. A.J

      A.J

      I had an incredibly hot curry last night, my face went several shades in a few seconds...it certainly proves that I'm a korma, korma, korma, korma chameleon

    3. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      I thought I'd cornered the market for bad puns - evidently not lol

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  15. Man, I absolutely hate indecisive people. Okay, hate is a strong word. Loathe is better. Or despise. Or maybe detest. Or abhor. Perhaps dislike is best?

    1. Steve C

      Steve C

      Reading it through again BB is having his usual joke! I've not been on this site much lately and had forgotten about our resident joker! Good one BB. :)

    2. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      Not really a pun SS, just me making myself sound stupid lol

    3. Evening thunder

      Evening thunder

      Should I take offence? not sure if I'm indecisive..

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  16. I've been invited to a party for nudists next weekend. I might go if I've got nothing on.

  17. I bought a Bonnie Tyler Sat Nav last week, but it’s rubbish. It keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart.

    1. Cloud 10

      Cloud 10

      The George Michael one is poor as well,always telling me to "turn a different corner"

    2. Jax

      Jax

      Had a Microsoft one but it just kept crashing.

    3. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      Great tune that one, TX1

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  18. Sad to hear that the inventor of Velcro has passed away. RIP.

    1. lassie23

      lassie23

      Clever and funny!:-0

    2. Mapantz

      Mapantz

      Haha that cracked me up

    3. gottolovethisweather

      gottolovethisweather

      We can't all "stick" around for ever though, lol.

  19. My wife says she is thinking of leaving me because of my obsession with quizzes. Do you think she is a) Exaggerating, b) Telling the truth, or c) Just teasing me?

    1. Daniel*

      Daniel*

      I don't get it... :-(

    2. Styx

      Styx

      ha! love your jokes

    3. Dancerwithwings

      Dancerwithwings

      Daniel* Wait till your married, you'll be saying that a lot. lol! :D

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  20. Last night I dreamt I was cutting up carrots with the Grim Reaper. I was dicing with death.

    1. A.J

      A.J

      no worries Bish, I had had a nightmare that I was surrounded clerics of birdseye chanting 'Pees be with you'

    2. Polar Maritime
  21. What's the difference between a kangaroo & a kangaroot? One is a kangaroo & the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift.

  22. How dreadful was Phil Neville's commentating last night? He could send a glass eye to sleep.

    1. lassie23

      lassie23

      He is the Mike Fish of sports commentary!

    2. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      Still better than Michael Owen. And did ITV pick two blokes off the street for Mexico-Cameroon?

    3. Geordiesnow

      Geordiesnow

      To be fair to Phil, whilst his voice was unenthusiastic, it is his first attempt so therefore should be given time too see how he will develop as a co-comm!

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  23. My surgeon performed a partial lobotomy on me without my permission. I’ve got half a mind to complain.

  24. Found a squashed frog in the road earlier today. I guess it decided to Kermit suicide.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      That's said Len. I wish you hadn't toad me that.

    3. Bishop Brennan
    4. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      I meant sad obviously.

      Thanks Len, I'm still quite newt to this.

    5. Show next comments  3 more
  25. Our local school has become an academy, sponsored by IKEA. Teaching standards are fine, but assembly seems to take forever.

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