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Bishop Brennan

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Status Updates posted by Bishop Brennan

  1. I admire Spectre as a critique of our post-Snowden surveillance society, but one glaring error ruins it for me; there is NO WAY Bond would have been allowed to take a prototype DB10 from the UK to Rome without a V5C or valid VE103 Vehicle On Hire certificate!

  2. Found out recently that during the war, at a time when even board games were banned, my Grandad ended up in jail. He was a Yahtzee sympathiser.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      Those are almost as bad as the original joke lol

    3. A.J

      A.J

      at least they didn't serve sauerkraut in jail...it would leaves a nazi taste in his mouth

    4. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      Where are you Stalin these jokes from?

  3. Is anyone else feeling slightly disappointed with the probe images coming back from 'dwarf planet' Pluto? I haven’t seen any dwarves at all so far.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Dancerwithwings

      Dancerwithwings

      lol! Hoping to see 'methane snow white' at some point ;)

    3. Winter Cold

      Winter Cold

      you have to call them virtically challenged nowadays :p lol

    4. Daniel*

      Daniel*

      I thought methane was colourless

  4. Festival season is upon us once again. It reminds me, I once got caught climbing the fence at Glastonbury. Security made me go back inside and watch the rest of Coldplay.

  5. My wife keeps demanding that I stop pretending to be a flamingo. Had to put my foot down eventually.

  6. My wife says I waste money on gimmicky gadgets we don’t need. At least, that what it says in the email she sent from the microwave.

  7. I reached for the liquid Viagra last night and accidentally took a sip of Tippex instead. This morning I woke up with an enormous correction.

  8. A bloke just offered me £1m to become a cannibal. Needless to say, I bit his hand off.

  9. I’m about to launch an online video sharing community for female sheep. Gonna call it EweTube.

    1. Show previous comments  8 more
    2. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      lol Cheese & frogesque!

    3. Aaron Roberts
    4. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      All you people follow Len's status jokes like sheep.

      Baa humbug.

  10. Just been overtaken by a RAC van and the driver was crying his eyes out. Poor bloke must be close to a breakdown.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Mokidugway
    3. mistyqueen
    4. Lauren

      Lauren

      It wasn't a harsh comment lassie, it's a good thing!

  11. Shocked to hear that Radical Islam is even taking hold in the Scottish Highlands. As guided by their spiritual leader, Mullah Kintyre.

    1. mistyqueen

      mistyqueen

      Oh, ha ha ha! Every one a gem!

    2. mickeyb44

      mickeyb44

      Clever, like it.

  12. Whilst at my fridge earlier, I was sure I could hear small onions singing a Bee Gees song. But it was just the chives talking.

  13. I have been cured of total paralysis. I’m absolutely ex-static.

    1. bobbydog

      bobbydog

      i used to like farm vehicles but now i like removing stale air from buildings. i'm an ex tractor fan

    2. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      lol bobbydog, that's a good 'un

  14. I’m due to attend the inaugural meeting of the Impatient People Society next week. Can’t wait!

    1. snow..chance

      snow..chance

      Next week.Can't wait that long! Forget it.Won't bother!

  15. I signed up for contortionist classes without knowing what was involved. Kicking myself now.

  16. Is there more snow forecast? My wife says she's expecting eight inches tonight.

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Dancerwithwings

      Dancerwithwings

      Just stating there's no snow here, just -2 tonight and the only thing my Wife will be expecting will be a HOT HOT HOT........ Water bottle :D

    3. Daniel*

      Daniel*

      Lol somebody is getting excited

    4. AderynCoch

      AderynCoch

      Crap, knew I had to be somewhere else tonight...

  17. Just finished reading a book about the anatomy of pigs. There was a twist in the tale.

    1. lassie23

      lassie23

      merry christmas BB

    2. Bishop Brennan

      Bishop Brennan

      And to your good self, lassie :)

    3. lassie23

      lassie23

      thanks! May your jokes continue long into the new year!

  18. Just finished reading a book about the human digestive system. It was okay, but the end was a load of c**p.

  19. A local weatherman has been sacked because he always gives gloomy, cold forecasts. No more mist and ice guy.

    1. Hocus Pocus

      Hocus Pocus

      Lol, love these corny jokes of yours.

    2. A.J

      A.J

      quality Bish!

    3. snefnug
  20. I’ve got a cucumber up my nose, a banana in my left ear, and carrot up my backside. My doctor says I’m not eating properly.

    1. jtay

      jtay

      I've got a similar problem. Got a steering wheel stuck down my trousers. It's driving me nuts.

    2. matty007
  21. I hate misleading shop names. I couldn't buy a curry in Currys; I couldn't buy a peacock in Peacocks; and I just got arrested at the Virgin Megastore.

  22. I’ve bought my son some torn pieces of old cardboard for his Christmas present. Not sure why he wants an ex box, though?

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. lassie23

      lassie23

      It's not a bad joke, just very Christmas crackery!

    3. Osbourne One-Nil

      Osbourne One-Nil

      I didn't know what to get my atheist DIY-loving brother until I saw Wickes selling a secular saw.

    4. Bishop Brennan
  23. Absolutely dreadful news about Phil Hughes this morning. My thoughts go out to his loved ones.

    1. Summer Sun

      Summer Sun

      Yes tragic news

    2. Summer of 95

      Summer of 95

      Very sad news indeed. Only possible consolation is he died doing what he loved..

    3. Lauren

      Lauren

      Very sad. Makes you realise how quickly it can all be over.

  24. Heavy cuts are about to be announced in the sharply declining guillotine industry. Heads will have to roll.

    1. Dorsetbred

      Dorsetbred

      More cutbacks in a falling industrial that seems so prone to scything cuts

    2. CatchMyDrift

      CatchMyDrift

      I used to design cul-de-sacs but it was a dead end job.

  25. My girlfriend has left me, all because of my fetish for touching pasta. Feeling cannelloni now.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. gottolovethisweather
    3. SE Blizzards

      SE Blizzards

      Just heard some sad news. The man who was addicted to spaghetti has pasta way.

    4. lorenzo
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