Norfolk holiday
Entry posted by Osbourne One-Nil
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My holiday:-
Day 1. Arrived at Aunty's house after a non-stop drive from Cumbria to Norfolk to find myself helping my Aunty put up marquees for my Gran's 90th birthday party the next day. Uncle Howard took the prawns out to defrost.
Day 2. Got up early to help my Aunty in some more pointless faffing and had to look impressed at my cousin's table decorations which amounted to some helium balloons tied at different lengths to some weights and placed on the crappy tables hired from the Cat Sanctuary. Had the party, during which no one died. Listened to my Aunty tell me how wonderful her daughter is because when she goes to agricultural shows to promote her "award winning " (Pobblezezzlez Garden Fete 2nd Prize in the Crisp Contest - there were no other entrants) she has posters and leaflets to hand out. Well that's just genius isn't it. Amused myself by wondering how many of the family (most of whom I didn't even know existed) would have been there had they not known about my Gran's sizeable fortune and dicky heart. Then got depressed realising that Simon (her late husband's cousin's youngest) was far more popular than me and I'd end up without a penny despite 36 years of having to eat her sodding APple Pie and pretend it's nice. Cheered myself up again a few minutes later watching the faces of my family as they drak tea from the urn brewed accidentally with Red Bush tea, instead of PG Tips thanks to me leaving them lying about by mistake. Prawns still defrosting in the warm sun.
Day 3. Glad I hadn't eaten any prawns. Awoke to find everyone had rushed back home, leaving me to take down 5 marquees (I call them marquees but really they're crappy bits of green stripy nylon from Argos which cost £4.99 each) and pack everything away rather than go and enjoy myself on my holiday. Particularly enjoyed having to take 5 straw bales back to the nearby farm in my nicely hoovered car.
Day 4. Came back to find that North Norfolk District Council don't allow plastic bottles in their recycling wheelie bins and that the chimps who empty them seem to think it time well spent to write a long and very detailed label as to why they didn't empty the recycling bin rather than take the 3 large plastic bottles out of the bin, and empty it.
Day 5. Managed to find a household waste site on the outskirts of North Walsham and took with me some sacks of rubbish as the black wheelie bin was full. Was informed by Norfolk's Dimmest Man 1998 - 2004 that there was no such thing as household waste, only "recycleable or non-recycleable waste". I gave him a stare that I was very proud of. Didn't stop him opening up my bin bags to check I hadn't thrown away anything which could have gone in the recycling and then remembered that some of Babbydoodles' accident pants were in there. That cheered me up.
Day 6. Ordered "Chicken Rogan Josh, pilau rice and some Bombay aloo too". Went to collect it and found it came to over £20. I said this seemed a bit steep, but was told that it was the right price for 2 Chicken rogan josh, 2 pilau rice, and 2 Bombay aloo. I then explained to them the difference between two and too, and they proceeded to smile politely whilst calling me a c*** ****ing m**** ***ker in Gujarati.
Day 7. Went to Holt. Had a nice sandwich.
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