Had my hair cut at Creations in Penrith by a young girl who was clearly suffering from canine distemper. It's a long time since I've had anyone blow the cut hair from the back of my neck, but how else would she have splattered me with her virus-ridden saliva? At least she didn't take the clippers to my eye brows like the last lot in Carlisle. Didn't leave a tip as she'll be dead by the morning. Going to Center Parcs for the day tomorrow and might even try the flume again. Remeber the time when Homer Simpson causes a pile-up of children as he gets stuck in the flume? Happened to me last time I went on it. Wasn't my fault....Mrs OON had packed tennis shorts, not swimming trunks, and they weren't slippy enough, so I got stuck. Remembering Homer's humilation, I leant right back and put my bum in the air....ended up going so fast that on the bendy bits, I almost flew out of the flume. I've always thought I'd die in some sad, strange way..."Father of three dies in a fat-induced flume accident". Might wear speedos tomorrow. Having a curry tonight with my friend...well, husband of a friend of Mrs OON...I don't have friends. He's a DJ for a Carlisle radio station, but is no Mike Reed or Simon Bates. In fact, he's so large he once got mistaken for 32 Glebe Terrace, Stockport. Bit worried about having a curry tonight as I don't want to have to.....you know.....in a public loo tomorrow. I've managed to go all through my life without having to.....you know....in a public loo, and I don't want to start now. May have an omlette.