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Osbourne One-Nil

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I got this letter to the Office of National Statistics requiring me to tell them some stuff about the business a few weeks ago. Sod this I thought....I already act as a tax collector for these sods, I'm not going to go through pages and pages of stuff for the government too. Then today, I got a reminder, saying I can be charged a penalty for not completing the form under Section 4 of the Statistics of Trade Act. Well....straight on the phone I was. This bloke answered and I explained the situation and why I felt it was unfair, and he said it was a legal requirement blah blah blah and I started to rant and rave a bit. I knew it wasn't his fault, but it was pissing me off. When I eventually stopped ranting, he said all they wanted to know was what my turnover was last month. It took me about 5 seconds to find that information (£32.5 million). I bet he thinks I'm a really grumpy sod.

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As I keep saying, I'll do your accounts for you. All I charge is 1% of your annual turnover B) *whistles "I'm in the money" :whistling:

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Oon, would you like to sponsor me? i am becoming an inventor and obviously need a hand to get the inventing business going. i will call it 'Oon's Spoon...feeding ideas to the nation'...what do u think?

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You'll never beat my invention of Knighthoods....condoms for the larger gentleman. And Katie.....you never agree to my terms and conditions.

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You'll never beat my invention of Knighthoods....condoms for the larger gentleman. And Katie.....you never agree to my terms and conditions.

well how about airplanes being fitted with a giant parachute so if engines fail etc and it cant fly, the parachute will save it (imagine the size of that parachute!!)

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Oh Matt....you're so sweet. I suppose a turnover of £32.5million must seem a strange amount for a two-man-band, but weve both agreed that we have to try harder.

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