My holiday:- Day 1. Arrived at Aunty's house after a non-stop drive from Cumbria to Norfolk to find myself helping my Aunty put up marquees for my Gran's 90th birthday party the next day. Uncle Howard took the prawns out to defrost. Day 2. Got up early to help my Aunty in some more pointless faffing and had to look impressed at my cousin's table decorations which amounted to some helium balloons tied at different lengths to some weights and placed on the crappy tables hired from the Cat Sanctua
I'm not a bad bloke to live with. I do more than my fair share, I do all the cooking, I don't count the pennies and I make sure I take enough time off to have quality time and I'm drop-dead gorgeous and very witty. Why, therefore, on only the 4th day of work in 7 years (as opposed to my 2400-odd) do I get a gobful in the morning about coming to bed late and waking a certain someone up? Even if I did wake that person up for 5 mins, they still managed 8 hours and 55 minutes' worth of sleep, as opp
I got this letter to the Office of National Statistics requiring me to tell them some stuff about the business a few weeks ago. Sod this I thought....I already act as a tax collector for these sods, I'm not going to go through pages and pages of stuff for the government too. Then today, I got a reminder, saying I can be charged a penalty for not completing the form under Section 4 of the Statistics of Trade Act. Well....straight on the phone I was. This bloke answered and I explained the situati
Had my haircut in Carlisle yesterday. I look great. The owner of the salon was going around giving everyone their wage packets. He handed them to the blokes, but with the girls, he popped them, slowly, into their back pockets. When he did this to my hairdresser, I said "do you think youo should be doing that?" to which he replied "Oh...they like it and I like it" to which I replied "I don;t think they do like it....have you ever asked them?" Off he went. My hairdresser was very pleased with me,
Today I got it up again For the first time in a year And now I've shown it on the forum I hope it will bring you cheer I got the inspiration yesterday Driving past a pub called Tommy Tuckers And thought "I'll show it to the members" Because they're all such lovelies.
Went to Cockermouth to look at a new site, and had a chance to look round Wordsworth's house. Bloody daffodils everywhere...what's all that about then? Cockermouth's got a Sainsbury's which makes it posh in my eyes. Bought some jacket potatoes, but mainly so I could get a carrier bag to give to my next-door neighbour....he hangs them outside his windows to scare away house-martins and swallows from nesting in his eaves. Why he prefers to have carrier bags flapping around outside his house than n
Wore the speedos...think it went down well with the ladies as they all pointed, looking surprised saying "will you just look at that". It's nice that I can bring so much cheer to people. Didn't go on the flume as it was a long way to the top and I couldn't be bothered. Spent most of the time in the nice warm spa pools until a nappy came off and some brown was spotted floating. Babbydoodledoo's got a chest infection. Took her to see the out of hours doctor this afternoon (good to know that if you
I went to Chorley yesterday. I stopped at a newsagents and was served by someone who looked like his family may have orignated in the sub-continent. Imagine my surprise when he neither took me hostage nor blew me to pieces. Still...I informed the immigration service who will hopefully deport him for daring to live here* *yes....I am being sarcastic/ironic (never sure which)
Day started off quite oddly. I had a vivid dream last night whereby myself and Babbydoodles were both playing for Ipswich against Manchester Utd. Babbydoodles was on the ball and all she had to do was pass to me and I've have scored, but instead she went for glory and missed by a mile. At the end of the match I had a real go at her, and my mum and dad shouted at me, which made me angry. Anyway, when I woke up, Mrs OON informed that that in the night I'd grabbed her and started shouting at her ab
So, I wake up right, and I go into my office to sort my computer out (it keeps freezing and locking up) and I turn the telly on. QVC comes up. I think I was watching Paramount last night and QVC runs through the night on it. Anyway, it was some bloke that makes I Luv Snow look like Russell Crowe, waffling on about his range of beauty products. One of them (£28.99 I believe) was a bottle of little capsules of Vitamin C "serum" which you put into your normal moisturiser to add Vitamin C goodness t
We used to get a milk delivery every other day. The milk came round with the daily papers, which were delivered every day (funnily enough) and it therefore always puzzled me that if they were coming to our house every day with the papers, couldn't they bring the milk with them as well? There was nothing wrong with getting milk every other day in itself, other than it would take up the whole fridge because it came in (wait for it) milk bottles. Anyway, that all stopped before Christmas because th
Sebastian says (15:19):brb gotta go capture stuff Laura says (15:19): ok Laura says (15:19):mousse? Sebastian says (15:20):mousse? Laura says (15:20):wilderbeast? Laura says (15:20):mice? Laura says (15:20):moose Laura says (15:20):LOL Sebastian says (15:20):small ferret called george Laura says (15:20):go and capture a fluffy dessert
Laura says: and I lost a sock OON says: erm? OON says: how? Laura says: exactly Laura says: I had to come home with only one sock on OON says: erm! Laura says: I really don't know where it went!
Mrs OON doesn;t cook for me, but she does for the kids. This afternoon, the weather was foul so she set about maing some buns with them and brought me one with a cup of tea. Have to say, I was disappointed.
I received a PM this morning. I shall keep the name of the author private in case Mr L is reading in his Yorkshire home, but it went:-"Dear OON, I see that you haven't updated your blog recently. This makes me very sad because I find it so entertaining and feel that in some small way, it brings me closer to you, which is all I really want"How can I ignore such a plea?Went to Appleby's Co-op today and thought I'd just walked into 1970's Russia......awful shop. I got so fed up half way round that
She doesn't follow the conversation very well, bless her. I was reciting something off I'm sorry I haven't a clue, and...well...you'll see:- Piers says: Samantha has just visited the record library and took her little dog with her. She likes to dress it in her own stylish canine clothing range... Laura says: I'm drawing lines... but when I put the shrub beds in the lines aren't snapping Piers says: And the elderly archivists say the all appreciate her doggy fashion Laura says: oh god Piers says:
Laura says:bacck Laura says:-c Piers says:bacck-c? Laura says:bacck minus a c Piers says:bacck minus a c is bck Laura says:bacck minus a c is not bck, that would be minus an a, but I typed bacck... so minus a c makes it back, which is correct Piers says:no Piers says:(bacck - a c) = bck
Alone tonight looking after my brood. Mrs OON's gone out pursuing what I can only imagine is a new found love of acting as I saw a text message on her phone from a gentlemen friend which said "Am holding a small part for you which I think you can make big". Nice to see her enjoying herself.
Ran out of Tiger Tim firelighters this morning (the ones individually wrapped in silver foil) and had to resort to common Zip firelighters which have the drawbacks of not being very flammable and of leaving nasty little bits of firelighter under your fingernails. Had trouble even getting the match to the firelighter in the first place as the downdraft from the chimney was quite strong....may have to thing about a cowl. That's enough excitement for one day.
I had a meeting in Lancaster this morning with a sculptor. The meeting was meant to be at 10.30am, but before I left, I had to print off a large drawing. The plotter was playing about, so I shifted the meeting back to 11.00am knowing that he and I had to be gone by noon. By the time the drawing was ready, I was running really late, so I bombed down the M6 to Lancaster, but got lost. I know, I thought, I'll phone and ask for directions. Nope...left my phone at home in my rush to get out. Hmmmmmm.