It's long been my ambition to visit every major city on earth in the space of a week. This week I got close because yesterday I was in Newcastle (didn't see Ant & Dec) and today I was in Penrith (where I am known as "The Wizard From The South" for wearing a wrist-watch). Wore men's deodorant for the first time in ages this morning. I didn't realise white cans meant women's, but there you go. Getting very excited about my birthday on Saturday - but have yet to buy myself anything for it excep
I went to Chorley yesterday. I stopped at a newsagents and was served by someone who looked like his family may have orignated in the sub-continent. Imagine my surprise when he neither took me hostage nor blew me to pieces. Still...I informed the immigration service who will hopefully deport him for daring to live here* *yes....I am being sarcastic/ironic (never sure which)
Had my haircut in Carlisle yesterday. I look great. The owner of the salon was going around giving everyone their wage packets. He handed them to the blokes, but with the girls, he popped them, slowly, into their back pockets. When he did this to my hairdresser, I said "do you think youo should be doing that?" to which he replied "Oh...they like it and I like it" to which I replied "I don;t think they do like it....have you ever asked them?" Off he went. My hairdresser was very pleased with me,
I've got a dog....Billy...(Princess wanted to call him Poppy Lovely Blossom and Jnr wanted to call him Mr Woofy...remember?) Billy's lovely, but a pain in the arse. Billy makes a fish's memory capabilities look extensive, and a pheasant look like Oxbridge material. Billy isn't allowed in the back garden any more because he kept vaulting the wall to play in the river behind the house. The front garden is Billy-proof in terms of escaping, providing my wheelbarrow is left propped in a certain place
Had my hair cut at Creations in Penrith by a young girl who was clearly suffering from canine distemper. It's a long time since I've had anyone blow the cut hair from the back of my neck, but how else would she have splattered me with her virus-ridden saliva? At least she didn't take the clippers to my eye brows like the last lot in Carlisle. Didn't leave a tip as she'll be dead by the morning. Going to Center Parcs for the day tomorrow and might even try the flume again. Remeber the time when H
I had a meeting in Lancaster this morning with a sculptor. The meeting was meant to be at 10.30am, but before I left, I had to print off a large drawing. The plotter was playing about, so I shifted the meeting back to 11.00am knowing that he and I had to be gone by noon. By the time the drawing was ready, I was running really late, so I bombed down the M6 to Lancaster, but got lost. I know, I thought, I'll phone and ask for directions. Nope...left my phone at home in my rush to get out. Hmmmmmm.
I'm in shock and think I might move back to Chorlton cum (snigger) Hardy (snigger). Reading the Westmorland Herald this morning, I noticed that an 18yr old youth has been fined £2.50 by magistrates for having a tax disc which was a week out of date. We must never lose this sort of investigative journalism...well done to the Herald.
Day started off quite oddly. I had a vivid dream last night whereby myself and Babbydoodles were both playing for Ipswich against Manchester Utd. Babbydoodles was on the ball and all she had to do was pass to me and I've have scored, but instead she went for glory and missed by a mile. At the end of the match I had a real go at her, and my mum and dad shouted at me, which made me angry. Anyway, when I woke up, Mrs OON informed that that in the night I'd grabbed her and started shouting at her ab
I got this letter to the Office of National Statistics requiring me to tell them some stuff about the business a few weeks ago. Sod this I thought....I already act as a tax collector for these sods, I'm not going to go through pages and pages of stuff for the government too. Then today, I got a reminder, saying I can be charged a penalty for not completing the form under Section 4 of the Statistics of Trade Act. Well....straight on the phone I was. This bloke answered and I explained the situati
We used to get a milk delivery every other day. The milk came round with the daily papers, which were delivered every day (funnily enough) and it therefore always puzzled me that if they were coming to our house every day with the papers, couldn't they bring the milk with them as well? There was nothing wrong with getting milk every other day in itself, other than it would take up the whole fridge because it came in (wait for it) milk bottles. Anyway, that all stopped before Christmas because th
So, I wake up right, and I go into my office to sort my computer out (it keeps freezing and locking up) and I turn the telly on. QVC comes up. I think I was watching Paramount last night and QVC runs through the night on it. Anyway, it was some bloke that makes I Luv Snow look like Russell Crowe, waffling on about his range of beauty products. One of them (£28.99 I believe) was a bottle of little capsules of Vitamin C "serum" which you put into your normal moisturiser to add Vitamin C goodness t
Ok, ok. Can you all stop pestering me for another entry now?Played tennis tonight in the first round of the Men's singles. I lost. I just couldn't get my serve going - I couldn't toss as well as I normally do. Practice makes perfect though.Nice to see the Pope making an appearance on the forum. All we've had up to now has been a few queens.I have undying love for Flagpole by the way.
Letting Mrs OON have a lie in this morning for perhaps the second time in her life, but I don't want any thanks. Although having to watch Razzle Dazzle isn't how I pictured my Saturday mornings when I was younger. I always thought I'd hop out of bad in my luxury city-centre loft conversion, put on some wacky-coloured Boden trousers, take my Halifax cash-point card to the machine in the recently converted dock area and take the resultant cash to a trendy coffee bar where they even sell "Kiddys' C
Alone tonight looking after my brood. Mrs OON's gone out pursuing what I can only imagine is a new found love of acting as I saw a text message on her phone from a gentlemen friend which said "Am holding a small part for you which I think you can make big". Nice to see her enjoying herself.
Won at tennis last night - 4-6, 6-4, 7-5 in the first and 6-3, 6-3 in the second. Think the secret was I was a combination of being the only player not technically blind and wearing my lucky Ipswich Town 1981 Uefa Cup winning top (which, for the purists out there, is predominantly white)Don't have any kids on a Wednesday as the two pre-schoolers go to nursery for the day. So I was all excited when Mrs OON suggested this morning that we get my flexible friend out and use it until it could take no
I received a PM this morning. I shall keep the name of the author private in case Mr L is reading in his Yorkshire home, but it went:-"Dear OON, I see that you haven't updated your blog recently. This makes me very sad because I find it so entertaining and feel that in some small way, it brings me closer to you, which is all I really want"How can I ignore such a plea?Went to Appleby's Co-op today and thought I'd just walked into 1970's Russia......awful shop. I got so fed up half way round that
Went to Cockermouth to look at a new site, and had a chance to look round Wordsworth's house. Bloody daffodils everywhere...what's all that about then? Cockermouth's got a Sainsbury's which makes it posh in my eyes. Bought some jacket potatoes, but mainly so I could get a carrier bag to give to my next-door neighbour....he hangs them outside his windows to scare away house-martins and swallows from nesting in his eaves. Why he prefers to have carrier bags flapping around outside his house than n
Wore the speedos...think it went down well with the ladies as they all pointed, looking surprised saying "will you just look at that". It's nice that I can bring so much cheer to people. Didn't go on the flume as it was a long way to the top and I couldn't be bothered. Spent most of the time in the nice warm spa pools until a nappy came off and some brown was spotted floating. Babbydoodledoo's got a chest infection. Took her to see the out of hours doctor this afternoon (good to know that if you
Ran out of Tiger Tim firelighters this morning (the ones individually wrapped in silver foil) and had to resort to common Zip firelighters which have the drawbacks of not being very flammable and of leaving nasty little bits of firelighter under your fingernails. Had trouble even getting the match to the firelighter in the first place as the downdraft from the chimney was quite strong....may have to thing about a cowl. That's enough excitement for one day.
Went to the football at Ipswich for the first time in over three years (well, it is a hell of a long way) and despite being born and bred Suffolk, it never ceases to amaze me how the word "Norwich" only has one syllable but the word "Town" has two.
Sebastian says (15:19):brb gotta go capture stuff Laura says (15:19): ok Laura says (15:19):mousse? Sebastian says (15:20):mousse? Laura says (15:20):wilderbeast? Laura says (15:20):mice? Laura says (15:20):moose Laura says (15:20):LOL Sebastian says (15:20):small ferret called george Laura says (15:20):go and capture a fluffy dessert
She doesn't follow the conversation very well, bless her. I was reciting something off I'm sorry I haven't a clue, and...well...you'll see:- Piers says: Samantha has just visited the record library and took her little dog with her. She likes to dress it in her own stylish canine clothing range... Laura says: I'm drawing lines... but when I put the shrub beds in the lines aren't snapping Piers says: And the elderly archivists say the all appreciate her doggy fashion Laura says: oh god Piers says:
